Owning my story and Stepping into my greatness

Many people have been interested in my story before, I've just not divulged any of it so far or just parts of it because it's long as hell plus when I get into telling stories I can go on and on and on, but to be what I aspire to be I feel it's time to lay it out all in the open be fully vulnerable to step into my destiny. 

Where do I start? Well, first off in this incarnation and I say this because I've had more than one incarnation (more on that later) my name is Shawn I'm 30 years old I was born in Montreal Canada to a Haitian father that was born in New York and a biracial mother (white/black) that was adopted by Quebecers when she was young. I know my biological grandparents on my mothers side are from New York as well, I know my grandfather was a jazz musician but don't know much about anything about my grandmother I find it very unfortunate though because I would love to have a relationship with them since I don't really associate or feel a connection with my mom's adoptive family except for her sister's family because I would visit them quite often when I was young plus her kids are about the same age as me and my sister's so we grew up together. And yeah I do have a sister but we currently don't speak to each other I still love her though and I do know my grandparents on my father's side god rest their soul they're both from Haiti. 

For as long as I can remember I was always this imaginative person with huge passion gifted with immense creativity and being able to see and perceive what others couldn't. I was always the "look at me" hyper-energetic kid and always knew in my heart that I was destined for greatness. The double-edged sword of having a huge imagination though is not everyone can see what you see and that's why I always butted heads with my mom and my family on my dad's side. From an early age, I had these grandiose ideas but they couldn't perceive them due to the way that they were brought up coming from Haiti and me being a child I was easily influenced and persuaded into their view of reality instead of following my own intuition. Talking back in my family was a no-no so although I knew in my heart I was right I couldn't say much being a child due to the fear of getting spanked or hit. 

So with no guidance to nurture my gifts I turned to watch cartoons. Cartoons in the '90s were so imaginative and I always felt that watching cartoons would feed my imagination when I was younger. My spark for greatness was lit up again after I saw Space Jam for the first time and learning that Michael Jordan was a real person; I wanted to be like Mike as well. And it's around that time also that I started discovering the world of entertainment from music videos to now watching movies with real actors and I understood this was how I was able to make my gifts shine and be great by being an entertainer. 

My family pushed me to do many things and go in many fields but it never resonated with me the only other thing I wanted to do apart from being an entertainer was to learn kung fu which I called karate when I was younger so I started learning karate. I was a very impressionable child, seeing these fight scenes in movies and anime made me resort to getting physical when I couldn't express myself with words and that happened often due to the fact I was not used to talking back. After many incidents, it came to a point where I feel my mom suppressed that side of me, I stopped doing karate and she sheltered me so I wouldn't get myself in trouble probably also because she could see I had a temper like my dad. 

In elementary school I was a good student due to my imagination and creativity, I always wanted to hang out with the cool kids (probably perceived them as great so I wanted that) so I lowered myself, I was torn because I would get along with everyone but didn't like that I was getting picked on because of who I was friends with so I was always playing both sides. A day that changed me forever was when I was in 3rd grade and my dad assaulted my mom at dinner after school, I still remember that scene vividly. From that point on I went from a happy-go-lucky kid to someone who became afraid of his environment and afraid of what would happen to his mom. I was already sheltered by my mom but now I didn't want to leave her side to make sure she was ok. 

So after that happened and my parents separated I started acting out in ways I never had before I became the class clown probably to seek the validation I wasn't getting any more from my household and although I was ok in school, I would always be in my head and feed my imagination with what I could books, video games, movies to escape the reality I was in. 

Me being sheltered and in my head, all the time really didn't do well for my confidence. I knew I had this huge confidence in me but I was afraid to show it and being judged for it so I played small which got me rejected from almost I'd say 90% of the girls I pursued. To this day I'm still healing from this. 

So now I'm in high school and this is totally new to me it's like the jungle only the strong survive and I went from a mostly white school to a mostly black school. So it's a complete attitude shift that I'm having to go through, I go from this geeky kid that would cry often when someone did me wrong to now I have to toughen up and if I want to hang out with the cool kids now I have to have thick skin because the roast sessions are endless and we constantly pick on each other non-stop. Although I'm thankful for my high school years I definitely feel I didn't live up to my potential because I was too concerned with my outside image and lowering myself to be accepted in the high school circles when I should've just been me this geeky kid... I still was this geeky kid at heart but I had this other mask on as well for when it was time to play a different role. And the result of having to do that made me feel like I lost a lot of my ability to process my emotions and act from love which would hurt me in the future. 

After graduating high school with the bare minimum I'm in college but I know at this point I'm done with school my grades aren't good and I've had enough of learning all this stuff that honestly I know I'm not going to use because ultimately I wanted to be this entertainer. I was still cultivating my imagination and creativity throughout the years by listening to a bunch of music and staying up to date with what was going on in the entertainment world and watching anime. So one day one of my high school friends tell me he started making beats and when I was younger I had always wanted to rap, this was my first goal before acting and going to the NBA lol but my mom had shut that shit down so fast she didn't want to hear any of it. But when my friend sent me the beat and I started writing lyrics to it it was like a whole new world had opened up to me like for the first time I was creating something that was mine because I never had any guidance into being an entertainer or creator before. Going to the studio for the first time was magical as well I felt so much in my element. 

After having this experience I knew this is what I wanted to do with my life but along the way trials and tribulations. I'm in a relationship where I can't express my feelings when something is wrong because now I'm used to being emotionless so we end up breaking up, my family is questioning my choices of wanting to do music and not wanting to go to school, so I end up at a sound engineering school for compromise and here is where I fall even more in love with the process of making music. I've always had this affinity with sounds almost like I could control it mold it with my mind like Sound was my superpower and also rapping always came easy to me from practicing with songs from a young age. I stay one semester at the school turns out although I love making music I'm not a fan of the controlled school setting, plus I was failing so at this point I put all my focus on rap and put my first mixtapes, and along the way, I had reconnected with my dad which I hadn't seen him for about 6 years at this point, and after him listening to my music he asks me if I want to move with him to Atlanta I jumped on the chance because I was tired of the sheltered life I was living in Montreal with my mom and my family although I love them to death. 

In Atlanta I experience a sense of freedom I've never had before I party as I've never partied before I do drugs, psychedelics, I still rap but after a video shoot gone wrong I stop doing music because I'm discouraged and for a whole year I try to live the normal life work and party on weekends. After falling into the same trap and losing my job, (I could never keep a normal job) I go to Miami and I realize that I want to produce and really explore this ability of sound that I have and DJ since I was always good with music and ultimately I wanted to create something never before seen. So after having a talk with my dad, I'm now in full go mode back into making music. I have so much of a tunnel vision that it's not making me take responsibility for the living expenses and because of that my relationship with my dad deteriorates and I go live with one of my friends. After a few months of living with my friend and focusing on music, I tear my Achilles playing basketball and so I go back to Montreal to have surgery. 

After 2 months of recovering, I go back to Atlanta but after being too focused on music and rehabbing myself I have to move out of my friend's house because I wasn't talking responsibly about the living expenses with him either and now I move back to Montreal. I had the illusion of it going to be so well because of the way I was treated by my family when I was injured but it was back to how it was before and although this time I was doing my part on living expenses I knew I couldn't stay here because I was falling back in the same loop same trap. So I decided to go to Ibiza where I would stay a whole summer. 

That summer was something special I really lived I must say that summer, I was djing constantly and had the most fun times of my life that summer even though I was broke for the most part it was an experience I would never trade for anything. A lot happened, I met my twin flame in Ibiza, my dad passed away while I was in Ibiza so that in and of itself made me have a huge shift in mindset from that point I started meditating every day. I really found myself while I was in Ibiza I came from a long way from the shy kid that wouldn't talk back, now I was standing in my truth and learning to get better at it every day. After the summer I went back to Montreal reluctantly because I wanted to stay so much even though I had no money. 

Back in Montreal, I already know I wanted to go back to Ibiza so I was preparing from the minute I got back to Montreal. This period in Montreal was joyful spent a lot of time with family and lived with my godmother until it was time for me to go back to Ibiza. Along the way, I continued my meditative practices, and around the first lockdown in my city that's where I had my first spiritual awakening, I had never felt anything like this like a bunch of memories from past lifetimes that came in all at once, since that point, I've been doing inner work to fully know myself. 

I went back to Ibiza but this time I was more so focused on working on myself and focusing on my kungfu which I had been practicing for a year and a half at this point. When I had my awakening my higher self told me I needed to train my kungfu for what's to come. 

Since Ibiza, I went to Estonia for a spiritual gathering because I needed to be away from the craziness of Ibiza and be somewhere where people could understand what I was going through. 

I then went to my aunt in Germany and trained in Kung Fu for 4 months with a master there 

And some of you know I was on a cross-country journey to Thailand that I was traveling by land and I will save what happened for another story. 

I tell you this story because however farfetched it is mine it's a series of ups and downs and failures but the theme is never giving up. I've come to remember that I am archangel Sandalphon reincarnated through my spiritual awakening and I've come to remember about my Sirian Starseed lineage as well through it and other lives I've lived on earth as well. My life is a life of living off intuition, I was never made to fit the construct placed on us by society and quite frankly the norms of society limit your true potential as a human being, and after going through this my whole life where I've felt like I've placed a limit on myself I take all the shackles off and break free because I know I am limitless and I'm done playing small.  

This universe is more than what meets the eyes and that's why I always had a huge imagination and could see certain things that others couldn't and create things from magic. Whenever I don't follow my intuition that's when things don't go my way and so that's why I "Watch What Happens" around me to know how to move through my life and step into my destiny. 

I was always meant to be this entertainer but now I understand that I need to use my outlet to put forth my message and not depend on external forces. I have to entertain and inspire others to stand in their truth with everything I create so we can build a better tomorrow. My ultimate goal is to showcase through my art an alternative way of living and eventually create a self-sustaining community without any governments where we prioritize the evolution of the human race by developing our intuition/psychic, telekinesis, and other superhuman abilities, I also want to be able to fly and become a Super Saiyan and I'm well on my way to being there. This is the vision I've had since I was a child every time I deal with Rejection so now I'm on my way to making this vision a reality.  

This story was about a kid that thought that to achieve what he wanted he had to get it from a source outside of him but the man understands that the power had been in him all this time and he didn't need anything exterior to fulfill his destiny. You have that power as well and I can show you how to utilize it.

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